Stranger

I have come to a more full realization that I am a stranger - an alien - and that is not going to change anytime soon. In a culture in which sex is embedded into every fiber of our beings - where virgins are outcasts and sold-out believers are naive, some days it makes me want to gnaw my arm off, because if I could do that I would not be convinced that I'm Alice falling through the tree to Wonderland...

Why the angst you ask?

Recently I have been observing the lives of my friends and colleagues and professional associates and I am finding more and more how much Jesus is just a 'church' thing for many and less actual living - how it's cool to grab the blessings, but not the commandments, and how sadly the biggest thing that keeps people out of the Kingdom is us. As a body it makes me sad that we are full of judgment and condemnation toward others, yet our eyes have poles the size of radio towers and we see nothing of our own ugliness.

Ugh - I could talk for hours, but alas, free WI-FI is interfering with work I have to do.
Until next time...

and even longer...

hello hello blogging world. I've been gone so long I'm not even sure if I remember how to effectively do this...I seem to remember that I combined satire with cynicism with my idealistic romanticism...and somewhere along the lines I told the truth and we got some laughs. Now I think I'm less idealistic...why? because human nature will jack us all up. But perhaps when I get the net back at home (because right now driving around at night searching for a wi-fi signal isn't cool) I'll become more regular.

But some updates nonetheless...

I have found that if you wait long enough - the retribution or vindication that you've hoped for will eventually happen - Jesus brings about the healing of old wounds in the most unexpected of ways.

I have learned that if you treat people kindly - like the way that Jesus said to do - then their expectations of you or their suppositions will change and they will be flabbergasted that even though you're a Jesus freak, you're not the self-righteous, politicial bigot that they assumed you'd be.

I have learned that not everyone who claims to be spiritual is actually hearing from him. Though this is something I already knew - reinforcement comes often.

I have learned that our choices bring consequences - regardless of whether we want to live in a fantasy world while we're making them...

I've learned that not every relationship you covet is covet-worthy. Sometimes, even if you think you've got no grass on your side of the fence, your seeds are greener...trust that.

I have learned that we invite crazy into our lives - we don't like to admit it, but we do.

I've learned that God's grace is consistent - but don't take it for granted...

I've learned more, but they would all contain explitives...and right now we're on another vibe, so I'll leave it at that!

But maybe a couple more for the road...

I've learned how crack is made.
I've learned the going value for marijuana and one ounce of the white stuff.
I've learned that addicts really do have something different going on in the brain.
I've learned that the trust you try to build with friends is easier won with inmates.
I've learned that even murderers have remorse, even if liars don't...go figure!
I've learned that if your clients think you're gullible, they'lll continue to treat you as such.
Um...ok - the rest would be wrong, so I'll really leave it at this for now.

It's been so long!!!!

This being a grown up thing - I'm telling ya it's odd stuff. It has been more than five weeks since I've last posted - because my situation has not changed. I'm still without internet at home and have been reduced to being a user of it only when I'm at my parent's house...and I can use theirs. But back to being a grown up - the MTV reality show REAL WORLD should go back retroactively to the way the show was when it first started - move people into homes, who already have real jobs and real things going on and see what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. Because what's on their now is fantasy land.

Has anyone watched Charm School? My goodness...that and Adventures in Hollyhood make me wonder about the present state of our generation....chitlin comes in all shapes, colors and sizes for real. I don't know why I'm asking though because I won't be able to see any of ya'll's responses until I'm back at a parental's house...oh well...perhaps I should stop typing...

Anywho just thought I'd shake the dust off and post a thing or two. I hope you all are well. :)

B

what a feeling...

keys underneath my fingertips...letters turning into words, appearing before my eyes on the screen...it has been so long...my absence was not purposeful, nor was it wanted. It was in involuntary fast from the internet...why? Because the people with the great wireless network moved almost three weeks ago...and there is no dial up...why? Because there is no phone...

I hope to see you all again...real soon.

same old same old

Ok...I'm watching some music video channel as they follow the group "pretty ricky" and in watching them I realize how much the mentality has permiated the young minds in our society...gracious...I mean really...bubbles in the tub...makin love...ya'll just got out of puberty...

They have lyrics that say "I wanna drill you...open up your legs..."

I mean what the hay for real???

cat clock; words to inspire; images

I think my cat has an internal clock that tells her when 6:15am is. However, I think her clock got jacked when the daylight savings time creeped in. Now she thinks 5:15 is 6:15 and she's refusing to eat dry food so she meows like a tantrum-tossing child. The funny thing is, with daylight savings, you'd think she'd be hungry at 7:15, and not 6:15...

I find it necessary at times to post encouraging things near me...

On my desk I write a phrase every week (on a yellow post-it) and leave it up all week to meditate on...at least that is what I am supposed to do with it...this week says "Choosing to forgive and having hope." Hope is the fun part - because it means daring yourself to have expectations again where maybe you've allowed expectations to die before. The choosing to forgive, however, on some days seems like is all for the birds and the birds alone...

On my cell phone I have a picture of wine - not because I'm a lush, but because my cell phone provider has provided :) several pictures to be used as wallpapers. This one came quite in handy for the banner "Possibilities" that I've put above it. Why possibilities? Because Jesus turned water into wine - and the bigger picture in the allegory - if that's what He can do with water - two hydrogens, one oxygen - then imagine what He can do with me...

MANIC MONDAYS, ENCOURAGEMENT, FIGHT THE POWER & CLMA

Ever wake up at 6am and feel so tired that your eyes refuse to open and then you feed the cat, eat breakfast, go back to your room and close your eyes to "rest a little while" only to hear the sound of the Today Show coming on your television, reminding you that it is now 7am and you are falling behind schedule? And then, if all that applies, ever sit there and realize that on top of all of that, it's freakin Monday?? Over the weekend I was greatly encouraged by the young adult ministry director of a church that has had several of its young women attend the women's retreats over the years. She was excited for us going into another year and was appreciative and very Barnabas-like in letting me know that yes, there is a need for young women in that age group, and though it's hard it's worth it.

I am noticing that I have to fight the urge to go back to resentment and anger - the urge sits in the corner while you're going on with the rest of your life - your regular and not-so-regular daily activities. The urge gets hungry after several days/weeks/months in which you have not returned to bitter-hill and when hungry enough, it tries to return.

Bad odors tend to waft...all the way down the hall...even though the company bathroom is a good 100 feet from your office door. Even with the spray, it's still coming...

The oil light doesn't always mean your car is in need of more oil. Sometimes it's an indicator that you've got a bad sensor. Ha ha - that makes me think about discernment...my own and other people's...lol!!! Get it?

At a very recent meeting of the newly formed CMLA

Me: "Good day everyone...my name is B."

Everyone: "Hi B!"

Me: "And I...am a Chronic List-Maker..."

Everyone (feverishly writing notes on paper): "Is that little b or Big B?..."How many letters are in B?...Is there a silent 'e' in B?"

Tis enough for now folks. Thanks for reading.

Anniversary

I've been on here exactly a year yesterday. No book deal yet. Hmm. Where am I a year later? Well, I have a job. That is good. I'm no longer seething about my family's dysfunctional-ness...that is good. I still have not regained friends lost...that sucks. I've managed to lose more. That sucks even more. I'm still apparently on the "let's be polite but not genuine list" which is ridiculous. I'd rather you not hug me for the purpose of appearing polite but inside are a ravenous wolf - really. Let's not patronize me or anyone else. So that's the same a year later too...I'm a lawyer now and that wasn't true when I started...well technically I guess it may have been - the test was passed, but I was not yet sworn in...I was 25 and now I'm 26 - that's different. I live across the street. That's different. I'm in the same zip code - that's the same. I have a cat - that's different. My hair is black/brown - that is different and yet I'm still waiting for the rest of that to change back. Last year I had the small group going painfully slow through Esther. This year, it's Daniel...and possibly next year too. (It's just about double the size!). Ok, that's it for now. Happy Anniversary (Tony Toni Tone) version.